You’ve broken up and you think it is the end of the world. You don’t know how you’re going to survive. I don’t know how many times I get clients writing to me, “When will he come back?” When will she love me again?” What can I do to make her want to marry me?” “Why doesn’t he love me as much as I love him?” It’s human nature to want to be loved and happy with someone, but it’s far too easy to panic, and that’s where things really get complicated. Yes, you can have a very happy reunion, once you know how to get your ex to love you again. Following these steps will get you off to a good start!
Don’t Come on Too Strong
Stop texting. Stop calling. Stop going where you think they might see you. I know that it’s easy to think if you stay in contact then you’ve got a better chance of a reconciliation, but that’s not really how it works. If you’re too obvious, you take away any mystery that might have captivated them in the first place. Let them see you carefree and happy. If you’re moping around and miserable, yeah, you might pull on their heart strings, but do you want them to come back because they feel sorry for you, or because they love you and want to be with you? Pity is not your friend. Coming off as someone who’s sad and needy just reinforces to your ex that they’re better without you, and you don’t want that to happen, do you? You want them to see what they’re missing, and rethink the idea of letting you get away, right? If they get the idea, and reach out to you, under no circumstances do you answer or reply. You’re nurturing that air of mystery and independence, and you’ll blow it if you grab at communication the first time that it appears!
Don’t Be a Doormat
You’ll do anything to get them back. Anything. This might seem like a good plan, but begging and pleading only reinforces their position that leaving is the right thing to do. The more you implore them to stay, the more they’ll dig in their heels about going. You can make all the promises you want, but where will that get you, really? You need them to love you for who you are, not for what you’ll do for them or for what you’ll put up with. If you promise too much, avow to do anything in order to get them to stay, you turn yourself into a doormat, someone who will be used and abused just so that your ex stays in your life. That’s not healthy, and it’s not smart. You’re worth more than that—and it never works in the long run, anyway. It teaches your ex to disrespect you, and once they find someone who will stand up to them, and who is a bit more feisty, they’ll be gone anyway.
Don’t be Possessive
Possessiveness and Jealousy won’t win you any favors when it comes to how to get your ex to love you again. In fact, it will have the opposite impact. It’s easy to think that if they only know just how much you love them, they’ll choose to stay. You smother them with gifts, in an attempt to buy their love. Here’s the thing. They already know how much you love them; that’s never been in question. The issue is they don’t reciprocate that affection. The more you lavish time and attention and money on them, the more uncomfortable you’ll make them feel, and the idea of leaving will become even more appealing.
Do Focus on Yourself
When you focus on yourself, you’re not being selfish. You’re reaffirming to yourself and your ex that you’re strong and confident and capable of being happy without them. So often when relationships fail it’s because the people involved have become trapped in a manner of behaving that has grown into a habit, but it’s not who they truly are. You’ve started bringing out the worst in each other, rather than the best. It’s time to stop texting, stop phoning, stop whining, stop smothering, and start focusing all that time and energy on yourself. Take a class, start a hobby, champion a cause, volunteer somewhere, get a haircut, buy new shoes—whatever makes you feel good about yourself. Remember, you want your ex to see you happy and bubbly, so that they remember what captivated them about you in the first place, right?
Do Get Closure
When you’ve let at least four to six weeks pass since the breakup, during which time you’ve worked on finding your mojo again and not had any contact with your ex, it’s time to reach out. Now, that sounds like a complete violation of step number one, but it’s really not. If the two of you were in a serious relationship and this thing is meant to be, then one of you has to break the ice. You’ve got a new look, a new attitude, and a new sense of personal empowerment. You’ve got the upper hand, and that goes a long way when it comes to how to get your ex to love you again. Don’t just send an empty text that says ‘hey.’ Don’t immediately start professing undying love. Don’t beg them to come see you. Have some class and choose your moment carefully. What holidays are coming up; is there an occasion or a birthday that you could comment on? Don’t send a text; send a card or an email. If it’s a holiday or their birthday, a paper card might be more appropriate. If you’re sending an email, send a message that is non-committal, that doesn’t require anything from them, one that’s completely neutral. Something like, “I saw your favorite restaurant is shutting down, and wanted you to know I was sorry to hear this,” or “I’ve just been to see this movie, and I know it was one of your favorites. It was really good, wasn’t it?” Don’t talk about your feelings, don’t ask them on a date, don’t mention getting back together. The whole idea here is to pique their curiosity, remind them of the happy times you had together.
In the End
In the end everyone is different, and there are no guarantees that you’ll reconcile. Some people are just toxic when combined, and shouldn’t try to get back together. However, if you guys were a couple for awhile, and things slowly went wrong without a huge catalyst that prompted the breakup, if your relationship was good and you just lost your passion and your interest for each other over time, then there’s every chance that you could reconcile if you play your cards right. The beautiful thing about following these steps is that, even if you don’t get back with your ex, you’ll find a new confidence and a new sense of self-worth, and that will propel you to someone who is even more suitable for you than your ex! You just have to believe in yourself, and give it time. After all, if you don’t believe you’re awesome, why should your ex—or anyone else, for that matter?
About Sarah Bellum
For a personal, empowering, and in-depth reading, please visit my site’s tarot page at SmartAsstrologer. Choose from Tarot , Astrology, Stones, or something else. “I’m here to help.”